10 Things the Average Joe Could Do

By Tim St.Sauver
Love of Sports Correspondent

Major league pitchers dream of throwing a no-hitter.

NFL kickers want that chance to boot the game winning 50-yarder.

NHL skaters shoot for hat tricks.

And the stars of the NBA hope for the chance to put up a triple-double.

I’ll never be able to any of those things. I’ll never even be able to have the chance to give up a big league home run, miss an NFL extra point, or go 0-for-10 in an NBA game (even though I know I could if I only got the chance!).

Luckily, you don’t need to be a pro to achieve greatness. Here are the Top 10 sports feats for the rest of us may just be able to accomplish.

10. Softball – Inside the Park Home Run

This is something anybody could potentially do. Whether it’s due to a hard hit line drive to the right field gap or a ball hit to the guy in right field wearing jeans and sandals, the inside the park home run gets the crowd on their feet. And, at the end of the day, it’s still recorded only as an ‘HR’. Everybody wants to hit a dinger at some point in their lives, since home runs are synonymous with success. “How did that sales pitch go today?” - It was a home run! “How did the bake sale do?” - It was a home run! How did your date with Cindy go last night? …

9. Darts – The Straight Nine

The game is cricket. First throw. Your objective is to X out as many numbers as possible. So, what do you do? Triple 20. Triple 19. And Triple 18. The Straight Nine. Opening a game of cricket with a straight nine all but guarantees you’ll win. It also makes your buddies feel as though they have just wasted a dollar. There are few things more enjoyable in life than crushing the spirits of your friends.

Darts Honorable Mention: The Black Hat. The black hat is simple. Three darts, three double bulls-eyes. A truly rare and respectable feat.

8. Fishing – Catching a Fish Larger Than “Thiiiiisssss Big”

It’s a fishing tradition. “Bait your own hook, clean your own fish and tell your own lies.” The most famous of said lies involves catching a fish that is average at best, but telling anyone who wasn’t there the fish was “thiiiiiisssss big” (while extending your hands as far apart as possible). However, every fisherman hopes that one day he’ll catch a fish longer than he could lie about - longer than his outstretched arms. Unfortunately, even if a fisherman did catch such a fish, no one would believe him.

7. Bean Bags – Four in the Hole

Rules and amount of bags tossed vary greatly in the great sport that is bean bag tossing, but one thing is consistent: putting the bag through the hole is a good thing. And putting all of your bags through the hole in one turn makes you great, if only for that moment.

6. Being a Passenger – Shotgun

All right, you got me. Being a passenger isn’t really a sport. However, ensuring you get the best seat in the car can be. Lesser individuals may adhere to a rule that allows one to ‘call’ shotgun. Weak. True athletes do whatever they must to make sure they’re sitting next to the driver all the way from point A to point B. I have friends that are stronger and faster, but who have found that shotgun usually goes to the person that wants it most.  Carrying pepper spray doesn’t hurt, either.

5. Pool – The Nine Ball Run

A true thing of beauty. The first shooter breaks and pockets a ball. The breaker then goes on to pocket each ball in order through the nine ball, which is the final shot. 9 balls sunk on 9 shots. The breaker’s opponent never even gets a chance to play.

Pool Honorable Mention: The Nine-Ball instant win. This is pretty rare, since the nine ball is nestled in the middle of the other eight, but when the shooter breaks and the nine ball finds its way into a pocket, that’s all she wrote. One shot. Game over.

4. Running – Finishing a 5K

I was a runner about 75 pounds ago. My first 5K took me 24:02 to complete, and even though I was so mad with myself for taking up cross country in the first place, crossing the finish line was one of the best feelings of my life. I knocked five minutes off my time over my running career, and to this day consider my choice to join cross country as being one of the best decisions I’ve made. This is another one anybody can decide to do, and regardless of the time you post, I promise the feeling you get when you cross that finish line for the first time will be one that sticks with you for life. I was going to put ‘finishing a marathon’ here, but this list is meant to made up of achievements anyone could accomplish, and I know for a fact there’s no way I could (or would) ever run 26.2 miles all at once. That would take me at least 18-22 hours. To be honest, I have better things to do with my time.

3. Spectator(ing?) – The Catch in the Stands

My favorite part of spring is the fact that I can once again go see my favorite baseball team in action. Ever since I was about four years old, I dreamed one of my idols would hit either a foul ball or home run into the stands and I would have the chance to catch it. I’ve never had the ball come my way, but I’ve certainly seen some great catches in the stands. Extra credit goes to anyone who catches a ball one handed while holding something important in the other hand - like a beer, or a baby.

2. Golf – A Hole in One

Tiger Woods hit his first hole in one when he was just six years old. Insane! I’m not sure I was fully potty trained at six, to tell you the truth. One thing I do know is that if I did ever hit a hole in one, my potty training would go out the window (because I would crap myself, if you didn’t get it). The beautiful thing about the hole in one is that it requires a certain amount of luck. Granted, being Tiger helps, because Tiger consistently puts his shots on the green. However, if hitting a hole in one was an acquired skill, professional golfers would be able to do it more often. This brings me back to Tiger’s first one at the age of six. At six, he was probably still infinitely better than I am, but he couldn’t have been as good then as he is now. He picked up a club, aimed at the hole, let it rip and hoped it dropped. Same exact thing I do every time I play. Same thing every golfer thinks when he tees up the ball. There’s always a chance it could happen. And if it ever does happen for you, you’ll have achieved the second-greatest sports feat for the Everyman. What’s better than a hole in one, you ask?

1. Bowling – The Perfect 300 Game

Bowling was created for athletes who like to drink while they perform, which makes it the best candidate to allow a common man to achieve true greatness.

I once rolled seven strikes in a game, but barely cracked 200. However, the fact I rolled seven strikes (it takes 12 in a row for a perfect 300) made me feel as though 300 was within reach.

Then I consider my friends Mark and Scott. These guys bowl enough that they wax their balls (and then put their bowling balls on that lubricating machine). Honestly, though, they both know how to roll, yet neither of them has even come within a frame of the perfect game, which makes it seem impossible.

One thing I do know is that you don’t need to be an athlete to roll a 300. You do need to have talent, though. And nerves of steel. And a nicely waxed ball.

While bowling a perfect 300 may not get you on ESPN, it’ll usually score you a free game and your name on the alley wall for a few months. And is there anything more a common athlete could ask for?

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