Losers

Yeah, that’s right. This is for all you losers out there.

This is for all you once-pround beacons of the college football landscape, relegated to the rear-end of Division-I lunacy, where the Temples and the Idahos of the world congregate.

This is for you, San Diego State, for allowing 419 yards rushing to New Mexico and letting them hang 70 on you.

This is for you, UTEP, for putting up 28 on undefeated Tulsa in the first quarter, then losing the game by six touchdowns.

This is for you, Wisconsin, for losing four straight, including the latest to “we can’t shove our coach out the door fast enough” Iowa, to fall to 3-4.

This is for you, Wazzou, for general assorted suckitude culminating in a 69-0 curb-stomping at the hands of USC. Have you been designated for reassignment to the Mountain West yet?

This is for you, Syracuse, for eroding from a Top-20 football school into a 1-7 Big East doormat, a conference that no longer includes Penn State, Miami, Boston College or Virginia Tech. This is for getting whacked 45-13 by South Florida, for your 12th straight loss against a F.B.S. (or whatever they’re calling it these days) school.

And - lastly - this is for you, Michigan. This is for bringing in a new regime with a hip new offense. This is for bringing in lauded recruits. This is for adopting a brand new mindset that second-tier won’t be good enough. This is for letting Penn State stomp all over you for the first time in a decade, and falling to 2-5. Who are you, Notre Dame?

TOUGH LOVE for all you losers out there, and it goes a little something like this ...

Look, listening to Akon hurts us more than it hurts you, but this is for your own good. If you can survive the whole video; you can survive anything.