Politics = Playoff Baseball = Perfect
By C.G. Morelli
Love of Sports Correspondent
On Wednesday night I clicked back and forth between Game 5 of the NLCS and the final presidential debate so many times I actually woke up in the morning with a bruised thumb.
Trust me, it wasn’t worth the trouble.
What I found was I couldn’t concentrate adequately on either event. One minute I’ve got Tim McCarver’s geriatric baseball anecdotes drilling a hole in my eardrums, the next I’m facing a barrage of “my friends” and “mavericks” coming at me from the pie hole of another geriatric case.
But who knows, maybe it’s me who’s getting a little senile.
Yes, I had another one of those moments. You know the kind. You’ve probably even read about them in this very column.
This time my mental moment was one in which all the random thoughts in my mind collided in one fiery, 25-car, freeway pile-up. And the results? Well, let’s just say they were more than a little bit absurd. But isn’t that exactly what we’re looking for after losing at least 20 hours of sleep this week to postseason baseball?
This time, after hours of a-beer drinkin’, and a-baseball watchin’, and a-politicalizin’ for my country, only one question still remained: What if the playoff teams were our political candidates?
The Candidates and Their Playoff Team of Choice
Senator Joe Biden as the Philadelphia Phillies
Some may see Biden as a human gaffe waiting to happen whenever he sets foot before a microphone. Likewise, when you look at this Phillies lineup and the combined 454 strikeouts rung up by its 4-5-6 hitters during the regular season, you’d have expected a cool down period for this offense heading into the second half of this NLCS. You’d have to figure it’d only be a matter of time before Shane Victorino cooled off and stopped averaging two RBI a night.
You’d also have to imagine, when it came to politics, that Biden would eventually insert foot directly into mouth at some point before the campaign came to a close.
But the Phils are suddenly lounging around in Philly waiting for a World Series opponent, and Biden finds his guy up nearly 10 points in national polls the last time I checked. These appear to be great positions for gaffe-masters. They’re the type of situations that tend to leave one with some wiggle room.
Only 10 teams have ever climbed out of a 3-1 deficit in all of postseason play, and the Dodgers weren’t one of them. Add to that the unpredictable, everyman, punch and counterpunch approach we’ve seen out of Philly (and Biden, for that matter) all postseason, and you can expect the Phightins to keep on schooling teams Biden-style from here on out.
Governor Sarah Palin as the Los Angeles Dodgers
OK, I know I shouldn’t plan any trips to L.A. in the near future after I make this little comparison, but hey, like most elections in this country we’re not left with a whole lot of options on the table when it comes to candidates. So, L.A., you’re stuck with the maverick. Deal with it.
To me, the comparison’s obvious after their lackluster Game 5 performance. It was the Dodger defense, plagued by three errors by shortstop Rafael Furcal, which sent them over the edge of the ultimate bridge to nowhere, the offseason.
Manny’s superhuman performance and unique personality were the only bright spots in this NLCS for the West Coast representative. The only question that remains is whether the they can keep their rental slugger in tow, or if Manny will say thanks but no thanks to a few more years in LaLaLand.
Senator Barack Obama as the Tampa Bay Rays
Everyone loves the fresh-faced youngsters who came out of nowhere to win our hearts. Just like Obama, who’s charged crowds at his rallies by promising to rid this country of the past eight years of Bush politics, the Rays look to erase the recent dominance of the Red Sox in the ALCS.
Rising stars like Evan Longoria, who set the major league mark for rookies with his fifth postseason homer on Tuesday; and B.J. Upton, who’s now batting .294 with five dingers of his own in October, are like sparkling new political policies designed to free us from our economic shackles.
These Rays are rays of light that give us hope. They show us the promise of baseball’s future and reassure us it’ll be as exciting and awe-inspiring as baseball’s past. They help us forget an age where performance-enhancing drugs took top billing over the actual events on the playing field.
There’s no doubt the Rays (and based on current polling, Obama too) are the people’s champions at this point. However, it remains to be seen whether they’ll prove to be the “change we need” or just another played-out Cinderella story.
Senator John McCain as the Boston Red Sox
Coming into the playoffs, the Sox were everyone’s favorite contender with hardened experience. They’ve faced the demons of their past, sunk to overwhelming depths in their own personal version of a Vietnamese POW camp (down 3-0 to the Yanks in the 2003 ALCS), had bamboo chutes crammed beneath their fingernails and suffered brutal beatings at the hands of their opponents.
The Sox did what any patriotic American would do … they bounced back despite injuries and kept playing even at times when doing so posed potential threats to future health (a bloody sock comes to mind). In doing so, they became the team that’s dominated baseball the past five seasons. McCain, of course, fits such a mold: a war hero, a seasoned veteran in the senate, a fighter himself.
But then something happened to this indomitable team down in Tampa. They became utterly inept. Jon Lester, who entered the ALCS with a 0.00 ERA, allowed five runs in five innings Monday. The offense has accounted for only 13 runs in the series. David Ortiz is less visible than an absentee voter.
The Red Sox lost their trademark, hard-nosed, fighter mentality and have struggled to find a new identity without Manny Ramirez in the fold.
“My friends,” this certainly seems politically familiar, doesn’t it? What McCain and the Sox both seem to have in common is they just don’t seem to have the same swagger we’re used to seeing from them.
We’ve already seen it from McNasty, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the Sox simply decided to suspend their current campaign with the Rays so they can head back to the friendly confines of “Warshington,” uhh, I mean Fenway.
Hey, it might be for the best, Red Sox Nation. Maybe it’s time the old ballclub gives way to a new generation of young talent.
OTHER TOP STORIES
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