“Quiet Storm” Takes World By …. Well …. Storm

By Scott “Love Handles” Rathmill
Love of Sports Correspondent

Gatorade announced an endorsement deal with Tiger Woods last fall. Finally, the wait is over.

Tiger-flavored Gatorade is now available at your favorite bodega or supermarket!

I bought some around 2:00am this past Saturday morning at a small grocery store at 14th St. and Avenue B. This is also where I buy my Mega Millions tickets and six-packs of beer.

In short, they sell everything I need in order to survive.

Three flavors will eventually be available, although this particular store only had “Quiet Storm” in stock.

Here’s my new product review:

The black and white label shows a sort of sepia-toned image of Tiger pumping his fist in victory. I believe this image is the photographic negative of the picture shown below. Gatorade did a nice job of cropping the image so the shopper can really feel Tiger’s energy and emotion.

When you first see the bottle in person, all aglow in the refrigerated display case, it’s like a nine-iron to the groin - you’re left shocked and breathless for a moment.

I couldn’t help thinking, “This guy’s a winner, and maybe, if I drink this product I will win something as well - and finally be happy.”

The murky, purplish-gray liquid is a little reminiscent of a quiet storm. It could also be seawater, from a particularly algae-rich region of the ocean. Or maybe some sort of industrial run-off. In any case, it’s eye-catching. Again, nice job Gatorade.

The color reminds you of an ominous thunderhead slowly rolling towards you on a lazy summer Sunday. The humid air, thick with the heat of July, makes your Tiger Woods Nike golf shirt cling to your chest and back.

That’s right, you’re playing golf with your buddies. A passing thunderstorm doesn’t sound like such a bad thing right about now. With its passing, you know a cooling breeze will follow.

Take a sip of Tiger’s “Quiet Storm” and you may just feel the heavy, cool raindrops plunk off your Tiger Woods Nike golf cap and roll down your neck. However, walking down the street in Lower Manhattan, I certainly hope that whatever liquid just hit me on the head and neck was indeed water.

The flavor, disappointingly, doesn’t taste at all like Tiger Woods – or how one might imagine any pro golfer would taste. It doesn’t even remind me of golf – metallic, grassy or sandy. None of these notes are particularly noticeable.

Rather, this particular vintage of Gatorade “Quiet Storm” has a youthful, fruity nose with hints of black cherry, spice, vanilla, sulfur and eucalyptus. It’s a medium-bodied sports drink with light acidity and good balance. The fruity palate features green apple, peach and grape flavors, with a touch of gasoline and wet cement. The intense, marine finish comes with a strong alkaline aftertaste of freshly fertilized farmland.

The label describes it as, “A refreshingly focused blend of grape flavors.” I won’t argue with that description.

I guess I could also just describe the taste as “grape-ish.”

In any event, I look forward to more athlete-inspired formulations from Gatorade. And I recommend their Tiger Woods “Quiet Storm” flavor.

It quenched my thirst and re-hydrated my soul.

(Scott “Love Handles” Rathmill is a regular columnist for The Love of Sports. You can also read more of Scott’s work at www.iamthemill.com.)