The Friday Five
By Jack Bonden
Love of Sports Correspondent
1. The Lead
It’s part of the rhythm of any college football season: Fall practices begin, and any good fan is full of optimism for the coming season.
Maybe there are whispers that the team’s offseason conditioning program had the highest rate of participation ever. Or that new freshman receiver was torching the secondary in 7-on-7 drills. Or that the offensive linemen all put on 25 pounds of lean, raw muscle. Or that the third-string quarterback was finally healthy and could end up being the future of the program.
Then, a few days into fall practices, you begin to click on the links to your team’s practice reports with a little more trepidation, because you know the Creeping Bubonic Injury Virus could’ve visited your squad, bringing with it the full scourge known as a season full of “In other games…” mentions on ESPN College Gameday.
The Creeping Bubonic Injury Virus hasn’t disappointed this year. As with so many other things in American life, this year’s trend started in Southern California, where UCLA quarterback Ben Olson and USC quarterback Mark Sanchez both sustained leg injuries during practice. Sanchez dislocated his kneecap, which, I’m sure, doesn’t really hurt all that much, though I think I may have tasted a bit of bile in the back of my throat just typing the words “dislocated kneecap.” Olson broke the fifth metatarsal (more on that little bone later) on his foot, and he looks to be out until midseason.
Both losses hurt, though perhaps not as much as it seems. Leaving out two garbage time games, Olson’s played in only 12 games in three years, and not always impressively. Sanchez’s injury is not as bad as it sounds, and he could be back for the Trojans’ second game at home against Ohio State. If not, Arkansas transfer Mitch Mustain could be a more than adequate replacement.*
Speaking of fifth metatarsals and Houston Nutt (which go together like peanut butter and jelly), Ole Miss All-American-caliber defensive end Greg Hardy busted his fifth metatarsal, which will sideline him for half the season. Ole Miss has become a trendy pick to be a sleeper/surprise team in the SEC this year, largely based on the dual premises that any quarterback who passes through Austin must be pretty good, and that Coach O left Godzilla, King Kong, Donkey Kong and Rabid Constipated Clifford the Big Red Dog on the defensive line. We’ll see about Texas transfer Jevan Snead, but Coach O’s defensive line’s lost Hardy, along with tackles Ted Laurent and Peria Jerry, who’ll both miss some/all of practice and maybe a couple of games.
The Plague took some time away from the Rebel defensive line to visit the Florida Gators, where it has merrily snapped, mangled, shredded, minced and roughly chopped five separate ACLs. Urban Meyer’s become so traumatized by the injuries that he’s said he’ll superstitiously wear the same pair of blue shoes he wore on two straight days without an ACL tear.
But wait, there’s more! Georgia offensive lineman Trinton Sturdivant is out for the season. Clemson defensive tackle Rashaad Jackson tore a quad tendon, which I’m sure doesn’t hurt all that much, and he’ll miss half the season. Washington quarterback Jake Locker has a hammy issue that won’t go away, as does Navy quarterback, and spell-check demon, Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada, who’s out indefinitely.
It’s not all bad news, though. Arizona State receiver Nate Kimbrough won’t require surgery to repair a broken bone around his eye, an injury he sustained after being accidentally hit in the face with a dumbbell during team workouts.
*(Though I’m not sure why USC took this guy. I mean, I don’t care if he went 8-0 as a freshman starter at Arkansas before being benched. If he’s not good enough for Houston Nutt, he’s not good enough for me!)
2. Totally Accountable Prediction
What this country deserves is leadership that isn’t scared to stand up and be accountable. That’s the American Way, that’s The Love of Sports’ way, and that’s Jack Bonden’s way. I’m Jack Bonden, and I approved this message.
Last year, Navy snapped a 43-year losing streak to Notre Dame, which I can say with total 100% journalistic objectivity, was completely awesome. Everybody seems to think Notre Dame will be better this year, though obviously it’d be hard for them to be worse. Meanwhile, most expect Navy to take a step backwards after coach Paul Johnson jumped ship (ha!) and landed at Georgia Tech. I think both statements are true. But I also think Navy makes it two in a row over the Irish this year, and they’ll finish with a better overall record.
3. Dispatches from Blogidougou*
It’d be criminally negligent of me to continue to provide these dispatches without providing something from the unquestioned heavyweight champion of college football blogs, Orson Swindle’s Every Day Should Be Saturday.
This week, Coach Swindle took on an ESPN.com fluff piece that maintains that as great as Florida quarterback Tim Tebow’s résumé is, he still hasn’t led a fourth-quarter comeback or won an SEC championship, implying that these two failings are standing between Tebow and real greatness.
The ESPN article is tame, and Swindle doesn’t exactly work up a head full of righteous indignation in response. So, why does this particular back-and-forth merit mentioning here? Three reasons:
1. It’s hard to avoid the cliché here, so I’ll just succumb to it: football is the ultimate team game. Tebow can’t do everything himself. He can’t will his team to win. He sure can’t play pass defense for his team, which hurt the Gators almost as much as he helped them last year. You really can’t place the performance of a whole team — i.e., winning an SEC Championship — at the feet of one man.
2. The single most overrated statistic in football is the “fourth quarter comeback” statistic for quarterbacks. Dropping that stat directly at the quarterback ignores point #1 above. For example, in Florida’s loss to Auburn last year, they had three possessions. On the first, Tebow threw for a touchdown. On the second, he was 3-for-3 passing and rushed for 35 yards and a touchdown. He was 1-for-2 passing on their final drive, which ended with a 25-yard punt that left Auburn with only 30 yards to gain to enter game-winning field goal range. So, this loss is Tebow’s fault?
3. If you haven’t yet been introduced to the maniacal animated .gif skills of somebody/something named LSUfreek, this post is as good an introduction as any. In fact, I’ll give you the official Friday Five money-back guarantee that you could easily lose 4-5 hours of productivity skimming the EDSBS archives celebrating his entire oeuvre.
*(Recap for those of you who aren’t following at home, or spent four-to-six years of higher education ignoring the footnotes (because, after all, if they were that important, they wouldn’t be hanging out in the loser section at the bottom of the page in six-point font, now would they?), I’m not enamored with the term “blogosphere,” but I’m woefully bereft of ideas for improvements.
4. Speaking of Photoshop …
Fresh at newsstands this week, Forbes Magazine has a cover story on Alabama coach Nick Saban. Anointing him with the title “The Most Powerful Coach in Sports,” the magazine argues that no other coach can claim the mixture of control he has over not only the football program, but also the PR, HR and marketing of the program.
The most entertaining bit of the whole thing, though, is the cover picture, which will doubtlessly spawn thousands of Fark jobs all across the internet. The Forbes staff’s calculations of the Top 5 Overpaid/Underpaid coaches in football will generate its fair share of internet chatter as well. Among the highlights of the underpaid list is USC coach Pete Carroll, who came in at #4 despite pulling down around $4.4 million per year. (Note to my editors at TLOS: I’m happy to be underpaid like Pete Carroll. I’d even take being underpaid like Brennan Carroll.) Topping the overpaid list is Iowa’s Kirk Ferentz, who made $4.6 million in 2006, while his team’s gone 12-13 the last two seasons. (Note to my editors at TLOS: I’d be happy to be overpaid like Ferentz.)
5. Think of This Next Time You See Highlights of Joba Inducing a Two-Out Popup During a “Meaningful” Pennant Chase Game
This is the scene at Death Valley when Stanford’s upset of then-#2 USC was announced to the Tiger faithful:
Less than two weeks, y’all. Start stretching…
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(There’s nothing we like more with our college football than an ice cold beer! If you’re like us, you’ll check out our sister site, The Love of Beer, to see what we’re drinking today.)
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