The Monday Mixtape

by John Gorman
Love of Sports Correspondent

What is the deal lately with ballparks and their food discounts?

(I know, that’s uncomfortably close to “What’s the deal with airline food?” Too Seinfeldian? Let’s keep moving.)

Every time I turn on local coverage of a baseball game this year, it seems there’s always a promo for some upcoming concession special.

Fifty-cent nachos! Unlimited food and drink for $25! Season ticket holders with a free pass on food all year!

Don’t these promo people realize that we Americans have enough time controlling our daily carb intake as it stands? We don’t need to be encouraged or enticed to gorge ourselves on manufactured food product. We’re doing just a masterful enough job already on killing ourselves slowly, thanks very much.

Yesterday afternoon, we were watching the Jays-Phillies rainfest and listening to the dulcet tones of Harry Kalas, when … all of the sudden … no, could it be? Dollar dog night! Yes! There’s one in May! Another in June! Two more in August! Oh, I sure hope they throw in the chili and the cheese for free!

Seriously, a hot dog without chili, cheese and onions just isn’t a bloody hot dog. It’s a blank canvas. The condiments are what turn it into the work of art that it is.

Fatten me up and roll me out of the park, because if hyperglycemia is wrong … I don’t want to be right.

You can’t handle the truth: LeBron James is a pretty spectacular player; this much we knew. However, did anybody really expect Paul Pierce to go shot for shot with him like the class nerd at a frat party duking it out with the president of Alpha Chi Rho? We didn’t think so. Yet, there he was, undaunted by the King, seeing his 45 points and raising him 41 and the victory. His hustle was admirable and his ability to drain big shot after big shot finally elevated Pierce into the ultra-exclusive pantheon of overlooked great players of this generation.

Penguins really CAN fly: Boy, those Pens sure ran roughshod over the Flyers in Game 5, eh? The flightless birds jumped out to a 5-0 lead before the game was half over. Martin Biron needs a hug and a masseuse, while Kimmo Timonen wonders to himself, “I came back for this?”

Something Wang with this picture: The Yankees trotted out their ace to mound against the imploding Mets for an afternoon tango in the Bronx. Unfortunately, the Yankees’ ace dropped a deuce on Sunday. The Mets roughed up CMW for seven runs in 7 2/3. A bit of controversy arose when Carlos Delgado hit what many folks with a working set of eyes would consider a home run, doinking it off the foul pole in left field. Apparently, the foul pole was placed incorrectly, and the home run call was reversed. Not that this helped the Yanks any, as they lost 11-2.

Anybody else see this one coming?: The first-place Rays and first-place Cards got together in a matchup of first place teams. Who knew? The Cardinals won both weekend games in spectacular walk-off fashion. On Saturday, Ryan Ludwick hit his 11th home run of the year in the 10th inning to send the Cards to a 9-8 victory. Sunday, Skip Schumaker laced an RBI double in the home half of the ninth to send the Busch drinkers home happy. The Rays fall out of first in the crowded (read: mediocre) AL East following the back-to-back heartbreaks.

The real winner? The rain: For the 600 or so fans who stuck around Citizens’ Bank Park to see six hours of baseball on Sunday, we commend you. The Phillies and Jays played an on-again, off-again nail-biter that included bizarre pitching changes (Roy Halladay working two innings of relief?) and unlikely home run heroes (Lyle Overbay looking like Mark McGwire by launching a belt-high fastball into the second deck). In total, there was three hours and 16 minutes worth of monsoon. The Jays beat the Phils 6-5 to reach .500 for the 3,624th time in the past 10 years.

Say what you want, the blow-up dolls seem to have worked: Ozzie Guillen may have issues with his mouth, ethics and temper, but he sure gets his team ready to play. It appears as though the Sox have busted out of their slump to the tune of a 7-3 road trip. Their fifth straight victory came courtesy of Nick Swisher’s tie-breaking three-run double in the eighth, powering the South Side Stepchildren to a 13-8 win.

What can Brown do for you?: Big Brown won the Preakness and will try to become the sixth horse to lose the Triple Crown at the Belmont since 1979. Horse Racing purists rejoice; PETA readies their picket signs and I am reminded to catch up on my sleep in three weeks.

Thank you. We’ll be in New York again next weekend in an attempt to calm Billy Wagner by speaking to the media on Carlos Delgado’s behalf.

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