Watch Your Girl Around These Guys
By Paulie Knep
Love of Sports Correspondent
Professional athletes have achieved elite celebrity status in this country.
While male fans dream of being like them, their wives and girlfriends fantasize about being with them as well.
Many women find the chiseled physiques, macho swagger, and fortune and fame of ballplayers to be simply irresistible.
Athletic icons have received constant pampering from an early age, leaving them with a sense of entitlement. Throw in a little extra testosterone and a lot of these jocks wouldn’t hesitate to take advantage of a woman or steal her from her man.
Gentlemen, I don’t care how strong your relationship is or how much you think your girl loves you, you should never leave her alone with one of these athletes.
10. Sidney Crosby
At just 20 years old, he’s hockey’s great young hope and has already led the Penguins to the Stanley Cup Finals. Every woman is intrigued by a good looking guy who can handle his stick with such precision. When “Sid the Kid” shoots, he scores.
9. Mike Tyson
Tyson went off the rails on a crazy train a long time ago. The rabid former champ has serious self control issues and won’t be mistaken for a women’s rights activist any time soon. A few minutes alone with Iron Mike and your girlfriend would be lucky to escape with a few bite marks.
8. Travis Henry
The former Bronco running back had to ask his employer for an advance on his salary last season so he could pay child support for his nine children from nine different women. Clearly, Henry isn’t picky when it comes to women, and the last thing you need is for your loved one to get caught up in that baby mama drama.
7. Manny Ramirez
There’s no telling what the absentminded, unpredictable Ramirez will do with your wife or girlfriend. They could disappear into the Green Monster or he may leave her naked, tarred and feathered. Regardless of the scenario, you can complain to anybody you want and you’ll get the same response, “That’s just Manny being Manny.”
6. Tony Parker
Nobody in the NBA is quicker to the hole than last year’s Finals MVP. How are you going to compete with a guy whose native tongue is the language of love? If this smooth operator was able to seduce Eva Longoria, he won’t have any trouble wooing your girl.
5. LeBron James
He’s the young, wealthy, charismatic face of the NBA. Even women who don’t follow sports know him as just the second man to ever grace the cover of Vogue Magazine. Every girl grows up wanting to be a princess and they know that by snagging King James they can skip straight to queen.
4. Derek Jeter/Tom Brady
These All-American boys top every girl’s list of sexiest athletes. They’re handsome, charming and have seven championships rings between them. Neither of these playas would have any trouble adding your girl’s name to their little black books, which already includes Mariah Carey, Jordana Brewster, Jessica Alba, Gisele Bundchen and Bridget Moynahan.
3. Mariano Rivera
He may not look like a ladies man, but this Yankee legend is the greatest closer of all-time! The Sandman finishes off the competition without breaking a sweat, sawing off their bats in the process. If your girl’s in the game, you can be sure Mariano will seal the deal.
2. Dwight Howard
Never mess with a man in a cape. I don’t care how slick you think you are, your moves are no match for the powers of Superman. It doesn’t matter how much your girlfriend loves you, when she sees Howard’s hangtime she’ll want to experience all of his super powers.
1. Alex Rodriguez
The Yankee third baseman is the best home run hitter in the game - and you know chicks dig the long ball. Ladies drool over his sexy lips and muscular physique. And if that’s not enough to scare you, there are about 300 million other reasons you shouldn’t let your girl within 50 feet of A-Rod.
Honorable Mentions
David Beckham – The girls swoon over this fashionable footballer
David “Big Papi” Ortiz – They don’t call him Big Papi for nothin’
Terrell Owens/Allen Iverson – Ladies love the bad boys
Jason Taylor – Women are suckers for a man who can dance
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Comments
DR JOE on 06/05 at 03:42 AM
GReat article. You left me off the list....next time.
Apollo on 06/05 at 05:26 AM
A-Rod’s lips? Sidney Crosby’s stick?
I had no idea this was a gay website.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that....
mike on 06/05 at 06:39 AM
i hope the crosby thing was a joke. i mean he looks like a 13 year old boy. the crustache surely doesn’t help
STC partyhouse on 06/05 at 06:45 AM
Wait...Not a single Shawn Kemp reference, for shame..for shame
No Homo on 06/05 at 07:19 AM
Congrats- Gayest List Ever
JJ on 06/05 at 08:00 AM
If Brady and Jeter aren’t #1 - #2 Respectively then this list has no merit.
Goberry on 06/05 at 08:14 AM
Did you honestly just post a “Top Ten” list with eleven people on it?
eli on 06/05 at 10:11 AM
Where’s Wilt the Stilt? Didn’t he bag 10k broads?
And what about RON JEREMY? All that sex should qualify him as an athlete.
Richard Simmons on 06/05 at 11:15 AM
Might as well list the top ten dongs in all of sports.
That’s basically what this list is anyway.
Still, pretty useful for me to know.
Curious Reader on 06/05 at 01:44 PM
This seems more like a fantasy come true for ya playa, rather than a list for the other dudes out there. You should just write one of those guys a letter to see if they are up for a swing from the other side of the plate.
I vote you start with Tony Parker, he seems like he would be the most interested.
the world on 06/06 at 04:38 AM
the article was funny and interesting. most of you guys are so insecure with yourself.
"no homo" and "curious reader" both suck on 06/06 at 09:11 AM
You are such insecure losers. The list is hilarious. But I guess instead of a sense of humor you have homophobia instead.
Scott Williams on 06/06 at 10:55 AM
I think you left off an obvious one--Tony Romo of the Cowboys.
erik on 06/06 at 11:35 AM
No way Sid the Kid is a joke. I know a LOT of girls who have him high on their lists.
KOBE BRYANT on 06/06 at 11:44 AM
Are you kidding me?!
T.rex on 06/06 at 12:29 PM
great article. The homo innuendo just adds to the humor.
J Rod on 06/06 at 04:58 PM
Tony Romo...you should have seen my g/f when he walked by us at the Cubs game after he sang the 7th inning…
Drew on 06/07 at 02:44 AM
What about Reggie White???
JMAC on 06/07 at 04:08 AM
Travis Henry makes the list and not Shawn Kemp what is the deal with that.
Kyle on 06/07 at 09:19 AM
You must include The Real Deal Holyfield in this lineup. He has at least nine or eleven children from many women.
John on 06/07 at 09:40 AM
David Beckham as only an honorable mention? I am not even a big fan of him, but this has to got to be the most retarded/ ignorant list out there with a clear intention of undervaluing the soccer player. Heck even the wives and GF’s of the athletes on this list would ditch their men in no time if they could spend a night with DB.
really!? on 06/07 at 09:02 PM
Probably the most asinine thing I’ve read all year. Are you trying to flirt with a(sshole)-rod or what?
dga on 06/07 at 09:10 PM
Not only was this lame, it was horrendously sexist. Women ain’t chattel. They aren’t the property of men, asshole! You don’t own a woman or have her stolen from you. She ain’t your “girl”. Be a real man, stop spending your time obsessing on the physiques of sports heroes, and pay attention to a woman if you want her to stick around. Or, just lust after the pro athletes and realize that you aren’t actually interested in having a woman around. That’s cool too. But don’t frame your fantasy life in such a patriarchal bullshit paradigm.
Tough Love on 06/07 at 09:36 PM
DGA- You were the dude who got shot down from every girl in high school, weren’t you? I feel your pain, brother. It happened to me too. You thought you had all the tools to date the top-notch women of the field hockey team, but it just never happened. Probably still eatin’ at you, it seems. But don’t worry, there is still hope.
Tony D on 06/08 at 05:05 AM
Derek Jeter is also said to have herpes so his herpes tree is growing more branches as we speak. Reports are Derek Jeter gave sexy Jessica Alba herpes when they were dating a couple years ago. Next up the cheerleader from Friday NIghts Lights hottie, Minka Kelly, John Mayers, ex who gossiper Perez Hilton claims to have made out with. Oh yeah thats right there are claims from a former Yankee employee allegedly caught Derek Jeter making out with his catcher Jorge Posada in the steam room. Does allege bisexual athletes with herpes count?
Badger Tim on 06/08 at 05:56 AM
First off. DGA, shut up. Second, this list is stupid. Tyson? Henry? Please. Rivera at THREE? Why? Because he’s a “closer”? Dwight Howard at TWO? Why? Because he dressed up like superman and can jump high? He looks like an orangutan. Paulie Knep you screwed this one up. Redo this and at least put Brady no lower than 2.
rikitiki on 06/08 at 08:59 AM
this was the worst and dumbest thing ive ever read. you put a stand up guy like tony parker or mariano rivera on a list with guys like travis henry or rapist mike tyson? this article was the worst i have ever read. ever.
terrible. on 06/08 at 10:09 AM
“Every woman is intrigued by a good looking guy who can handle his stick...”
“Nobody in the NBA is quicker to the hole...”
How old are you, 17? You lose points if you were chuckling to yourself as you were typing.
Jim on 06/09 at 06:15 AM
What about Brendan Shanahan of the NY Rangers? He stole teammate Craig Janney’s wife when they were playing for the Blues. The ex Mrs. Janney is now Mrs. Shanny.
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