Why We Love Our Shirtless Athletes

By Adam Ruggiero
Love of Sports Correspondent

Consider this a public service announcement on behalf of sports fans everywhere.

This is aimed at a certain – ah-hem – robust segment of the athletic community … Please, if you’re playing weight is bigger than your contract, keep yourself covered.

Like many other daily followers of sports news I heard, and unfortunately saw, Glen “Big Baby” Davis stand atop the Boston Celtics celebratory parade float the other day in all his Supersize Me glory.

Don’t get me wrong. You’re the champs, your fans love you, and if you got it, flaunt it. But I’m starting to see a dangerous trend forming among our plus-size big league heroes, gallivanting about without proper attire.

It all started a month ago, when sympathetic fan favorite John Daly was caught on You Tube video going 18 holes sans polo tee. If you haven’t seen it, I encourage you to fight every fiber of your curious being and NOT check it out. Whatever you can imagine Daly looks likes half-nude simply “pales” in comparison to his actual physique – no pun intended.

Had this been a fluke Internet scandal there would be no cause for alarm, but Big Baby’s bosomy cameo through the streets of Boston inspired me to take a stand lest this rotund episode becomes a trend. One need only observe the “illicit” photos of Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart, whose sleeveless attire betrayed his unsightly, undefined couch potato arms; and Phoenix Suns center Shaquille O’Neal’s recent Vitamin Water commercials in which the Big Aristotle squeezes into a jockey’s uniform.

Perhaps, though, the entire fiasco was inspired by Tennessee Volunteers coach Bruce Pearl, who showed up at Thompson-Boling Arena bare-chested, his torso painted Tennessee Orange. At least his stout trunk was disguised under a pint-and-a-half of face paint.

To be fair, shirtlessness is a part modern sport – think of how boring Buffalo Bills football games would be if no over-sauced fan stripped to his skimpies and shivered through four quarters at Ralph Wilson Stadium in some bizarre showing of team solidarity.

Unsightly nakedness is part of professional athletics, no question. But we expect more from our athletes; we expect them to be the Athenas and Adonises we cannot be. Consider your reaction when you saw Brandy Chastain strip down to her sports bra, or Terrell Owens doing sit-ups in his driveway. Sure, it was a little weird, maybe even uncomfortable, but it wasn’t gross.

We look up to our athletes, because they’re supposed to be at a level of physical perfection and elegance we ourselves can’t become or are unwilling to achieve. After all, the very first Olympics were performed entirely in the nude for just that reason.

Today, sports encompass such a diverse range of activities and skill sets that we can’t expect every “athlete” to be a simultaneous sex symbol – take Tony Stewart, Warren Sapp and David Wells, to name just a few. What constitutes a sport directly affects what constitutes an athlete, so not every pro will be eye candy. But we have no pictures of Babe Ruth on the beach or Charles Barkley posing for Maxim. There was enough restraint then to keep such indelible sights in our imaginations.

So, please work, win and celebrate with as much gusto and abandon as you, the pinnacles of human skill and determination, can give. But know your place. I’m on your Bandwagon for sure. But sometimes subtlety is the most impressive display.